Egana 481

That was my address in Vina del Mar. It had taken all this time to realize that address was well above our income. After the original owner died, I presume, her family raised the rent (or put the house for sale) to the market rate, so that my mother could not afford it, and had to move out.

So what I am saying that our time on that house was a dream.

Since my dad died all those years ago, I was six then, our lives were based on shaky grounds.

I had for years dreams regarding the death of my father, directly or indirectly, the details of which were kept away from me, so my dreams tried to fill the void. On those dreams I was always falling upwards on a void which I could not escape from…

I still remember that petite blonde girl, with the uniform of the Colegio Aleman in Valparaiso, who would would walk from the bus stop up the hill. I wondered if she lived on one of those apartments I could see from my home. Although I think that was unlikely.

Probably she lived on one of those houses I could see up the hills, across the valley. In spite of my exploratory wanderings, I never learnt were she lived.

I wonder how is she doing after the coup, which changed my life so dramatically.

The lesson learnt was that, I believe, I was used by the “companeros”.

The end justify the means? Or the “means corrupt the end”.

That is the lesson I learnt from those years. Now, I take each year, each month, each day, as they come, and navigate through them.

Perhaps I would like to live on a small house in a nice area, with a small garden to take care of without the intrusion of a young man who thinks that the world should be as he thinks of, incapable of seeing, and dealing, with different views.

After the coup, as a member of MIR, I went to Valparaiso, up the hills, to hide in one of the secure houses. I was greeted by a young girl, wearing a mini skirt, as it was the fashion: she was very skillful how to deal with it, as I never saw her panties. She was good, and pretty.

I wonder what happened to her?

Would I go back to Chile? Apart of the money side, if I were, I would go to the South, not to my birth place, Vina del Mar. Probably inland rather than on the coast, although that would depend of what I find. I would like to have a small house up the mountains, up Los Andes, la cordillera, that clear air, that clear atmosphere, away from the pollution of the cities, to wake every day in those mountains…

Dreams… just dreams…

I try to shape the environment where I live, whenever I do, to the lives of birds, animals, plants…

By looking forward, relying on a technology shaped by capitalism, are we walking away more and more from our inner lives, away from the environment where we live?

Time to recover my own inner live…

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